How Do You Show Up, and Why?

Mama and her first born.
(that would be me)

Being a first born has trained me to to be reliable, people know they can count on me to show up. From as early as I can remember, my parents instilled in me a sense of responsibility which has played a foundational role in the values that calibrate my journey.

I know this is not unique to first borns. We all show up to work, to meetings, to dates, to appointments, to commitments. This starts fairly early in life. We show up to breakfast, then we show up to school and if you're raised following any kind of religious practice you show up to services. There is a lot of showing up ingrained in our systems that we hardly even think about anymore. When my family calls on me, I show up to the best of my ability. It's something I am compelled to do, it comes from a deeply rooted sense of purpose and connectedness.

Me again, showing up as flower girl.

I have a distinct memory of how I learned to show up in my early days as a student. I am told that I started reading fairly early, so my parents decided that I was ready for pre-school at the age of 3. What they didn't count on was my emotional total unpreparedness. Apparently, mornings began as a wrestling match struggle involving tantrums and tears. This is now what I remember. What I remember is that my teacher made me the weather girl and it was my job to inform the class whether it was sunny, cloudy, rainy or stormy. Because of this, not only did I show up to my weather-girl duties, I also showed up and thoroughly enjoyed school.

Stepping into the spotlight,
showing up for me.

Over time, my reasons for showing up have been a combination of having to do things out of a more external sense of duty and a doing things out of a deeper sense of purpose. The different roles we play in life, the many callings we heed - they compel us in different ways. And as much as we show up for our job, our people, our promises - this is as much as we should show up for ourselves. What fights, causes and meanings do we have most heart for? What themes and topics get our fire going?

So I ask you what I often find myself asking myself: Are you showing up for you? Are you stepping into your own spotlight and heeding the calls that matter most to you?  And every time I find reasons not to, I remind myself of what it was like to grow up in the dictatorial 80's of the Philippines, surrounded by injustices beyond imagining. And I sound out the words spoken by a subversive nun of the 80's indie film, Sister Stella L. in all the languages of my heart: Kung hindi tayo ang kikilos, sino ang kikilos? Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa? If not us, then who will move? If not now, when?


My friends, the stage is set. The audience is waiting. And your heart, it burns bright and beats strong. And your heart is beautiful. And every time you show up for you, you are beautiful.

Happiness Requires A Plan

Remember how simple things were when we were younger? How the most basic things like tickles and pickles marked the difference between being happy and being unhappy? Now think about how many times in your grown-up life you've heard this frustrated utterance: I just want to be happy.

Here's one of life's biggest coups, we don't just get happy. We have to make happy. Yes, folks. It is true. Happiness requires a plan.

Over the course of the next few entries I'll build this thought out some more, but I want to start you off with something simple and hopefully profound.

1. Make a list of the five moments in your life you felt undeniably, unquestionably happy.   
2. For each of the five items moments you've listed down, write up a 3-5 sentence story that tells as much about that moment as possible. Go crazy with imagery, metaphor, description, details. Details. Details.

See any patterns, themes or 'ingredients' that provide you with happiness? Chew on all those yummy things for a while cos you, me and all of us happy seekers–we're all about to get busy cooking up a plan. Yes indeed, happiness requires a plan. And guess what - we are on it!

Where Have All the Best Friends Gone?

You may or may not have noticed the radio silence, but the day job has kept my mind preoccupied lately. Working through a brand's character and personality (at least if you do things the way I tend to) sends the thoughts on wild rides. As I looked through Jungian psychology, the fundamentals of branding and a snapshot of female popular culture I could not help but as the question: Where have all the best friends gone? The last big chick friend flick was "Thelma and Lousie." This was in 1991, then close to the end of that decade "Sex and The City" took the world with its real-talking, stiletto strutting strong women and their deep friendships. Sadly, with the success of the show and consequent increased production budget and caché, the fashions and romance often seem to have eclipsed the heart of the matter: women nurture women.

Gratuitous bromance hunk shots appear
thanks to www.sheknows.com

Meanwhile the world has come to embrace male friendships, celebrating them through the birth of the bromance and it seems the tides turned on female friendships with the introduction of the term frenemies. Granted, it isn't exclusively for female use only, it is quite alarming that while the press celebrates the shirtless Lance Armstrong + Matthew McConnaughey tandem training for the NY Marathon they taint the Oprah - Gayle friendship with speak of closeted lesbian love. I started to worry. Then, I found a spark of hope in the most unlikely place - the box office! 

This summer's top grossing film
was by and about women.

This summer, guess which comedy flick kicked every other film's butt at the box office (well, except for the one that utilized similar gratuitous hunkiness in its promo)? A charming, heart-warming, witty, well-written, well-acted film authored by women, celebrating the friendships of women. The film is called Bridesmaids and it was the summer of 2011's top grossing film, with an impressive $26 million the weekend it opened and Box Office Mojo reporting box office sales of $283,444,100.

I realize life gets busy and hectic, blog posts take time to write, Facebook and Twitter can make us forget to actually stay in touch but we gotta gotta gotta romance our most treasured friendships, we simply must. I am not asking anyone to run around shirtless (unless of course that's what you and your girls are into, then by all means go!), I am simply putting a loving reminder out there: your girls need you, this girl needs you. 

My blood sister, my treasure
www.motheringearthlings.com

Before I go walking and not talking, let me salute my girlfriends, and the men of my inner circle. You are the loves of my life, the sass to my shimmy, the chili salt to my body shot. You all know who you are. We brunch together and poem together, we dance together and booze together, we have seen so much life together and look ahead to so much more. I only have one blood sister and she's the bomb, still I must be doing something right because lucky me, I get to choose an arsenal of amazing women (and men!) I am thrilled to call my girls, my sisters, my friends.

I will probably tag you on this post, or  tweet at you - but that's just right now. Just you wait till I see you, you'll get an old fashioned hug and then some because that is how we love.

Joy and Sacrifice

The country where I grew up is one of many Catholic conundrums that resulted from the Inquisition. I am not sure how much of this is based on my interpretation, and how much of it is based in truth but I have always leaned towards the joyful, passionate side of faith and spirituality. The three core beliefs I carry forward from my indoctrination (eleven years of Catholic school should, in fact make me a master!) are: free will, love, and divinity in my own humanity. In any given situation, the answer to the glib question of WWJD (what would Jesus Do?) will be anchored in any combination of these three.

We are now in the Lenten season and Catholics everywhere are making sacrifices and pulling back from too much joy-making. I wonder about this. In many ways joy and sacrifice are two sides of the same coin. Here in America, the pursuit of the elusive dream entails a degree of sacrifice made towards the pursuit of joy. At its best, it comes with as joyful sacrifice. It engenders a deep sense of pride. And if we are truly honest, it isn't sacrifice at all, it is strategy. And it can be beautiful.

The promise of the American Dream has seduced many of my kind, the immigrant kind, to come with our own hopes, our own beliefs and yes our many faiths. We sacrifice the familiar for the foreign to pursue a better life, which means as many things are there are people who partake of the pursuit. One key difference may well be this: it is almost always a joyful sacrifice. It is almost always done out of love, for family and loved ones, with deep sense of purpose. It is almost always done by choice, lovingly and fueled in divine humanity.

What else gives a mother the gumption to leave her own to tend to another woman's family? What else gets a son through a long hard day in the orange groves when he could be an engineer back home? What else gives a father a deep sense of pride doing work other men deem lowly? Tough times have befallen America, and many are having a hard time. I cannot help but wonder if they realize just how lucky they are. I cannot help but feel sorry not for their suffering, but for this misguided sense of entitlement.

Where I come from, no matter what your station in life, you work hard. You don't take anything for granted because economies and governments never find their stability. You don't count on anything but yourself and the people you love. And while you need to be self sufficient, you know you are never alone. There is so much we can teach America, if she cared to listen. We can teach them actually, paring it down to one or two cars and just one TV is nothing compared to uprooting yourself from the country you love. We can teach you that giving stuff up for the benefit of family and loved ones is in fact more joy than sacrifice. We can teach you that you have so much more than they realize.

If America wants truly to be 'the land of the free and the home of the brave' then she better grow a tougher skin and a more joyful heart. When people make sacrifices in America, they are almost always guaranteed joyful rewards. Not many parts of the world can say this. Take it from someone whose country is ruled by lies and corruption in the hands of a government run by oligarchs who continue to enrich themselves at the expense or progress. America, the next time you think about complaining,I suggest you come visit my country. See what it's really like to sacrifice and do without. Then be baffled at how, despite the desperation, love of family and faith keep us joyful.